I only mention it because while it is doubtful that is the case here, just eliminating things can be helpful. Agreed. I get youI dont like the taste of turkey. Does she comment on people in the office who take smoking breaks and come back smelling slightly like cigarettes? I once used a mix of hydrogen peroxide, baking soda and my favorite detergent to remove cat pee from a mattress. No, I think youre absolutely normal with your dislike of various scents! Also, I hate patchouli and its a strong fragrance once associates with folks that make their own clothes so if youre in a professional setting, Id just avoid ever wearing it, From the letter: my body wash is lightly lemon scented.. At least she would actually SEE you trying something and, who knows, it might take care of any lingering scents. Do you wear those oils outside of work? I wouldn't blame anyone for dunking their heads into a basket of feral man meat hammocks. If its that severe, then the person who has that reaction needs to be figuring out their own way to avoid things, not putting the entire burden of it on their coworkers. Another coworker can have an anaphylactic reaction to some scents. As such, burping and sniffing are not likely listed in your handbook. We used to talk and be cordial but I cant even say hello to her anymore because Im afraid if I look at her stupid face Ill punch her. My wife gave up chewing gum around me years ago, before I realized I was the one with the problem. Never disregard the medical advice of your physician or health professional, or delay in seeking such advice, because of something you read on this Site. Its possible were dealing less with a misidentified scent and more with a clumsy insult. Febreeze is the nuclear bomb of deodorizer. Thats really interesting. I do feel for people who can barely leave their homes due to their sensitivities, even if Im not convinced everyones hygiene regimen should revolve around them. Hes little and sneaks off and pees in low-traffic corners so its easy to miss. Its entirely possible that your chair or coat have absorbed the smell, and you might not even recognize it. Actually, I think the OP has taken more measures than are actually reasonable and that the OP has really bent over backwards on this. They ruin maple ice cream for them? does it? Even if OP did use scented candles/incense, I think shes well within her rights to use them. Oh yeah, thats smart too. Dolores found other things to pick on, but she stopped going after me for phantom scents and basic hygiene. She may have to wear one of those paper face masks. Assume that the sounds are the result of a chronic health issue. I agree. Am I ever going to allow a snitty coworker to invade my life to the extent that I change what I do in my own home on my own time? update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? When a guy opens up to you, he has feelings for you. I have had reactions to certain smells, even one flavor of herbal tea, that makes me sneeze and sneeze. I personally hate perfumes of any kind, and I know people who get migraines from them. Scent can also be a trigger for good or bad memories. If her coworkers sensitivity is that acute, it is up to management to arrange that shes isolated from scents that bother her, not up to her coworkers to arrange their entire lives around it). I understand having to accommodate a coworker with an ADA request (although correct me if Im wrong but I believe that would come directly from the company and likely wouldnt require everyone to replace all scented everything they own because that seems like an unreasonable accommodation) but in this case its a coworker who is ceaselessly complaining about the OPS existence rather than her actual scent, based on the steps shes taken. i think many of the suggestions here are verging on unreasonable. Yep. At this point, Im starting to feel like youre just looking for an excuse to complain about me. But I also think it can be Pavlovian, where you see the person you identify with a scent and smell it, even if theres no actual scent around you. Get private office or moved away from said problem because I'm a good employee they don't want to lose because I can't concentrate or keep my sanity at work. Telling someone they have to drastically alter their *non work life* to accommodate someone that doesnt like a smellhell, even someone with allergies or migrainesisnt cool. It is going down the whole ethnic food route of complaining about stinky food. Didn't find the answer you were looking for? Continuous sinus nose pressure after 2nd child? But seriously? Someone I was around complained about my patchouli smell. I worked with someone at OldJob who LOVED Avon products, nearly all of which set off symptoms. Yes, most modern products are quite the cocktail, so while the scented molecules may be the most noticeable they may not be whats actually eliciting the sensitivity. Thats right up there with You think its cold in here? And has had it since he was a child. I dont wear anything scented. I mentioned to my manager that I was cutting out the one thing I could think of that could be leaving a scent, and so far there hasnt been additional complaints (that I know of). I think Ive only asked someone once to stop wearing her perfume (I only worked in that office a few days a month so I figured she could maybe just not wear it those days, and she generally didnt after that which I really appreciated.) Consider having a friend/family member (who doesnt live with you!) Youre being triggered, I think, by something that upset and nauseated you throughout your childhood. Your coworkers shoot you irritated looks as you clear your throat (again). A lot of times they put them on 12 hours ago for a night out and arent planning on taking a shower until after work the next day. I was thinking the same thing! This co-worker is handling things very immaturely, but patchouli is a big red flag. My heart rate goes up, my brain scatters, I get queasy and headache-y, etc. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I was going to say this. And if that doesnt work, go to HR. I once sent an employee of mine home for this. Blech! From what Ive read, it seems that if this happened to me I would have to spend several hundred dollars replacing every toiletry and all laundering supplies in my home, wash everything I own multiple times and most likely get all coats and heavy fabrics dry cleaned, and even THEN the coworker may still not be happy with my potential scent. Scent is the one sense that bypasses the frontal part of the brain and hits directly into the limbic system of the brain. Id be very hungry around someone who smelled like cookies, but its not an unpleasant scent at all! I made a similar comment waaaaay below. It usually is, but theres no guarantee. Reader asks how to solve a nearby co-worker's sniffling problem Perspective by Judith Martin , Nicholas Martin and Jacobina Martin February 5, 2022 at 12:00 a.m. EST Article Dear Miss Manners: I. However, I draw the line at cheap room fragrance oil diffuser things for some reason, those set off my migraines. Had any luck? That last bit of your post is the trouble I always have with scent-free initiatives. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I work in a normal law firm type atmosphere and several employees are rocking strong cologne and perfume that does indeed linger in the air or on my clothes/hair. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Another thought that just occurred to me is a cloth car seat, so maybe while the clothing items were washed, perhaps its being transferred from other places. Lets figure out something you can do to make yourself more comfortable.. Im worried that there might be an underlying medical issue. And then walk away. Could you bring in some Frebreeze and see if that helps? Seems like once someone gets a little of what they want, they feel comfortable asking for a little bit more. Although such handbooks often outline appropriate and inappropriate behavior, it's common knowledge that a bodily function such as loud burping is inappropriate. They might even do it when it's inconvenient for themselves. Dont wear it to work, fine. everyone think it is and I try to stop but its every minuet I sniff. You have a right to wash yourself in lightly (or heavily for that matter) scented things. but your coworkers will thank you. If so youve gone above & beyond & youre under no obligation to do more. and was thinking well, that might be awkward enough to end the whole thing and then you said exactly that :). If someone was spraying any form of Febreeze, *I* would go to the Manager. It can provide an. Im not OPs coworker, and obviously OPs coworker isnt pregnant like I am, but for the entire duration of my pregnancy Ive had a slightly stuffed nose. Smoking stinks, in addition to all the other negative side-effects. Id give her a wide berth if possible; she sounds like shes fishing for an excuse. If OP had ever mentioned using indie oils or not liking chemical smells to coworker it may have given coworker the idea that OP was more naturally inclined or alternative leaning (not that those things really imply anything, I just think coworker is looking for something to pick on). I would only put it on the wearer if they were not respecting my desire not to be around it. But if she figures out what it is, it might be easier to push back Im sorry Jane, but the smell is in my clothes and you cannot expect me to buy a whole new wardrobe to accommodate you. I smell :(. I used to use cloth menstrual pads and wash them in the shower with soap, and to this day I cant quite tell the smell of menstrual blood apart from the smell of Ivory soap. Im scent sensitive myself (both nose wise and skin wise) and Im absolutely repulsed by scents, where Im sure I gross others out with my lack of scents. They want to give my seat to others wearing cologne. Is it really noticeable? Ive tried to explain to my coworker that basically nothing I use is scented anymore, but she makes exaggerated sniffing noises and says things like, Oh, patchouli AGAIN? when I get near her. Im not trying to like, lecture you, but I really think more people should be made aware of just HOW BAD Febreeze is. Honestly, as someone with deadly allergies, Id appreciate the effort you were putting in. I think Alisons advice is bang on, and the mediated conversations/HR accommodation advice is going to be important for snapping Coworker out of her combative/belittling behavior and into a more productive vibe. I've been this person. When youre a non smoker, its bad. Let go of the guilt. Note that the issue is addressed in a business by in this case, the sniffer's manager, to the sniffer. I know he hangs his clothes out to dry, but hes a super cost cutter when it comes to his home, so thats possibly the issue. People tend not to. 100% this. The advice is spot on. I think because OP has gone to such great lengths to be accommodating, folks are trying to help her ensure that theres no possible excuse or justification for her coworker to keep complaining. Its always suggested as this neutral thing, but its extremely toxic, often even to people who arent sensitive. This could be an extreme case of insensitivity or even a mildish form of autism, perhaps Asperger syndrome. If it is just a personal preference to what she is smelling you do not need to be so accommodating. Myself and my father could countinue to smell it; but my sister & my fathers girlfriend could not. Shes definitely being annoying about it, but its possible she doesnt work in close proximity with anyone else for it to be an issue. I dont think its reasonable for her to avoid a scent just because someone somewhere might hate it. It can be super effective for getting odors out, although certain perfumes and oil-based scents get so embedded in clothes that they may not come out at all :(. update: how can I turn down training requests from my clients? This isnt coworker having a legitimate problem, this is coworker targeting OP for whatever reason. You can smell her a mile away. OP How long have you and this co-worker worked together? Honestly, youve done all you can and more. The exaggerated sniffing definitely sounds like she is just being a pain. They dont have added scent, but a lot of chemicals smell. There's no need for you to take it any further. I think at this point LW is being bullied. The readers have some great ideas. Im crying foul. Thank goodness for this opinion. The jerkishness is out of line, but even if its all in her head, its still real. Its my personal opinion. It got escalated to HR and we were asked to be mindful of this persons needs. I can tell you, its really hard for me not to come across as rude. If you have a problem with them, buy me something different.. Smells sink into our brain and memory and association in a way almost nothing else does. Oil tends to penetrate and spread, so yeah, maybe its in the clothing permanently. They never get to work on time and are five to fifteen minutes late every single day. I eventually left for another job and Im told she left right after. But the world is literally full of smells. My female coworker puts on a lot of perfume. I spent the rest of the conference in an anti-histamine induced haze. Go stand in the snow for a bit and it will seem so nice and toasty in here when you come back!. No one else can smell it. Im going to ask that we stop with those suggestions now and instead focus on how she should deal with the coworker, which I think will be more helpful to her. I am only saying this in the hopes that getting to the bottom of the issue will make it easier to figure out a solution. That was me! Its making me sneeze sooooo bad!! Hippie/hipster stink is the common parlance. Even the smallest amount of second-hand smoke can trigger my asthma, though I dont always have a full on asthma attack from it. Okay, what??? I also dislike the smell of lavender altogether. So one day I stopped accommodating completely. Boss needs to investigate whether theres a yet-unidentified cause related to OP, and direct Coworker to leave OP out of it if not (or if that cause isnt reasonable to ask OP to address, like Coworker just dislikes OPs natural smell). They figure X wasnt so hard, so X+1 shouldnt be a big deal either. Huh. I hate the taste/smell of passion fruit now because of some misadventures involving passion fruit-flavored rum that happened over a year ago. Yeah, this is a good point. I just wanted to thank you for being considerate to your coworker and refraining from wearing your perfumes to work. Dont spray too much if you do go looking for it! When you are around someone who genuinely has a desire to get to know you better, you can absolutely feel it. I have a friend who I trade clothes with regularly when we get sick of stuff in our closet and I have to wash the clothes that come from her several times over before I can even stand to wear them, and several times over again before I cant smell it at all. Does that even matter though? If someone else wants to wear it, thats their prerogative. Its a hippie scentmaybe. I went through a brief patchouli phase in my late teens. If this is the case and I were the OP, Id be inclined to tell a coworker that Ive done what I can, and unfortunately the scent-sensitive among us have to find a way to deal with the fact that there are unpleasant smells in this world. Your box of tissues has become your closest companion (and admit it your sleeve has been called in to pinch hit on a couple of terrible occasions). My point is that maybe something similar is happening with OPs coworker and smells. Gym stories. The entire planet is not going to change to accommodate you. Chicken is the reason I gave up vegetarianism after 7 years and I honestly could go without any other meat lamb is nice, steak is good occasionally. That just made my phantom smell issues like 10x worse because I was right one time.). On me, personally, alcohol-based eau de parfume scents last way longer and have a lot more throw than my oils do. For the people who dislike it or for whom it is an unexpected smell, it is hated. Id refrain from wearing perfume to work, and from using scented soaps and lotions during the work week (or using them for date night, but then washing them off before bed). McCoy is a journalism graduate of Ryerson University. 1. Oh, its called scent layering? Good luck and thank you for taking this stuff seriously. I have offered her a Kleenex which she declined. When used often enough, this technique can make your colleague think twice about the . Im not going to cycle through god knows how many detergents and cleaning products to find one that both works for our youngest kid (eczema), is affordable, and isnt bothersome/an allergen to a random third party. This is so timely! Maybe the OP or the manager can talk with the cleaning crew to find out what products they are using to clean the desks, carpets, etc. Refer them to another coworker or someone who's working on something similar, so they can help each other. Press J to jump to the feed. I think it would be pretty unreasonable for someone whos bothered by it to insist that, for instance, a coworker stop treating their psoriasis appropriately just because of the smell of their shampoo. My conditions have all been verified by multiple doctors and specialists.). If I had to start changing out my entire home routine to unscented products and avoiding incense and oils at home just to avoid bringing them into the office well chances are Id probably start stinking like cat. OP: Your coworker is a jerk. I had another friend that said they also became scent-sensitive when they were having chemo. I was an intern and during a slow period, my supervisor told me to wipe down some shelves with some kind of cleaner. Surely people grow out of this shortly after high school, surely a grown adult wouldnt comment on someones smell unless it was bothering them. Your lemony scented hair will seem like a relief, https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OCEWGW/ref=psdc_166034011_t1_B000GKXYZ2, Oh this is way better! It seems to help get the scents out, but it still takes several washings to get the scent out. I had a similar experience with vodka in collegetook my 4-5 years to not start getting queasy at the sight of a bottle. Whenever I smell it, I always immediately feel a rush of joy and then intense sadness, because my grandma wore that powder and I miss her so intently, and when I smell it my brain immediately registers Grandma, and then has to go through the process of grief again. Theres no perfume smell, it smells very natural to me. Advice for HR professionals on handling body odor, bad breath, flatulence, head lice and other problems in the workplace. In the end, he just didnt ride down with me, but in the days since then hes retold the story to all our coworkers about how I made him feel bad by saying he smells. In the regions I have lived in, dirty hippy meant white, pretty much every time. My boyfriend has the same problem. REAL CUNT indeed. Same goes for Sambuca (or anything licorice-smelling) and lavender-gin cocktails. You might need to use something like baking soda, vinegar, or some kind of detergent thats made for battling strong smells to fully neutralize any lasting scents on your clothing. I literally had to blow my nose all through my second pregnancy. Oh gosh, nothing makes you paranoid like cat pee. Even if it turns out that there is something about the OP that triggers the co-worker, it seems to me that its become a problem that the co-worker (and possibly the employer) needs to work out. If its at the point where its only popping up twice over a few months, and your coworker is upset that you keep bringing it up because she feels shes addressed it, it seems like your coworker has done what she can and it would be a good idea not to bring it up with her anymore. I think Alison has asked us not to read race into letters because it can become derailing and its all speculation. Stomach bug hit that night. can I compare attending college to working a full-time job in my cover letter? Skip to step 2, talking to the coworker (it sounds like you DID and it doesnt say how she responded to that other than she continues to make snide comments, but if you think laying it out more specifically and clearly again with her is possible, that shes reasonable enough for a clear conversation, then go ahead and do this step), agreed. (Posting this at 12:20 p.m. EDT, so comments before then werent ignoring this; they were just earlier.). I once worked in a building where there was mould that nobody knew about until they did renovations. They want to make it seem like you are not a good fit for the job. But as I would have liked to tell some otherwise lovely people I encountered during my time in Santa Cruz, it is NOT a substitute for a shower. If you have a fabric chair it could have residual scents. The reason to ask someone who doesnt live with you is that we can stop smelling things after a while, so a partner or roommate might not be able to smell it either. To this day, 20+ years later, the smell of chocolate (especially warmed, as in fresh-baked cookies) makes me queasy. Ooh, I would love to have a coworker who smelled like cookies! Anyway, it is nice that you tried so hard with the changes you already made, and I hope that the scripts provided help your unappreciative coworker to back off. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Honestly, even if she is extra sensitive to smell, shes still acting like a jerk. I apologized and stopped. Honestly, the answer is probably telecommuting. The best you can do is ask people to be considerate. Every. I really feel for you. It's a tell-tale sign that your coworker wants a relationship outside of work. But the coworker would probably then be encouraged in her delusions of scent. ), move her desk, something. No flowers, no lotions, no perfumes, no candles, wallflowers, diffusers, etc. I had wondered that as well. And theres a limit to how much Im willing to let work infringe on my ability to surround myself with a pleasant environment in my off-hours, in the way that I define a pleasant environment, which for me is strongly scent-based. often benign and usually treatable, Dr. Reisman says. Constant snarky comments and exaggerated sniffing sounds like shes having fun at your expense rather than suffering from scent sensitivities. Though we also had an open thread commenter who had smell problems that it seemed might be due to her vinegar rinses, so Id say go easy on those too. Ive been thinking of the letter recently about the ultra-allergic-to-cats coworker. There have been loads of suggestions below for additional ways the letter-writer could tackle potential scents and stamp them out. I meant no offense and should have not used the word disgust. They offered her a new seat not situated in the middle of the office. Work on time and are five to fifteen minutes late every single.! 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