I know what the Bible says in 1Peter 3 verse 1-6. It most certainly does. At the time, I was already above the age of 25, so my non-Christian parents were anxious to see me marriedbut not to a Christian. Our minds are the biggest obstacle we have to overcome. During our marriage I was still walking in the way and path of unbelievers and it doesnt take long for sin and the enemy to overpower a person who is saved but not walking in grace. PRAY! 1. Everything except hes not a Christian. I have spent so much time reading every scripture about marriage in the Bible during this period, I have even tried to divorce my husand unsuccessfully (the papers were returned to me unprocessed). Even if what you really want to do is work away. Together they created Boundless in 1998. My eyes were not always on God, I rebelled and turned away from God to live for myself. Most of us want relief, but dont want to change. Ive taken three wrong turns, and I am lost. I was craving church. Thats what I want people to know. Whether married to a believer or an unbeliever, the husband must seek to live an obedient lifestyle: You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered (1 Pet 3:7). With all of the busyness and temptations that this world throws at us, it is so hard for men (and women!) Look for a man striving to imitate Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:1). When I expressed this, he glanced at me with a look that said. Do I really believe he will use all things, even my difficult marriage, to make me more like him (Rom. We need to let them tell us.. Louisa was an agnostic university student when she met Dan, a nominal Catholic. Please advise me on the right way to live under these circumstances. 5:1), humble (Eph. Your marriage to a non-believer will cause you much unwarranted conflict in spiritual matters and moral values. I had no trust for my husband and was sure he was cheating on me. Married to an unbeliever. But he does not want his children to be abused and say it is for him they are bearing it. Your letter is similar to many others I receive where there is a profound lack of mutuality in the relationship. While I do think your fianc is a great guy by earthly standards, its his standing before God that matters most for marriage. I fell into the trap of marrying an unbeliever. The upside is Ive grown in God, its made me stronger, she says. 40:28). I am older and I feel like if things dont work out then its never going to happen. I no longer loved my husband and, in fact, hated him! God bless you. After 3 years together I gave my life back to God whole heartedly and agreed to follow him in obedience even if that meant walking away from my marriage. Giving my life back to God happened in the August and in the December I had a dream/vision of where my husband had commited adultery. I sinned against her out of anger today and I'm ashamed but she told me to my face she refuses to forgive me and it broke me. While there are clear reasons that God allows for divorce, that is not one of them. Condie points out that, just as all individuals are different, all marriages will be different, and the most important thing we can do is listen to each other. I have to now tell him that I cannot date non-Christian men and I just dont want to drive him away from God further by appearing like I think Im so much better than him or something. Easy setup and ready to start working are awesome. I am living in a country where I know no one except his family. Each has different needs depending on the relationship between the spouses. Simon and Deb met at Bible college, married quickly and almost immediately had their first child. Even if my marriage is lost, and even if my husband never bends his knee to Jesus, the call to faithfulness will never leave me. Answer (1 of 16): Ignoring God's words is not wise. I know far more stories that did not play out like ours. Mary tried to participate wholeheartedly in the varied aspects of her husband's life, while maintaining her own commitment to God. I have to consciously draw on that and love him despite whatever is happening. The Gospel Coalition supports the church by providing resources that are trusted and timely, winsome and wise, and centered on the gospel of Jesus Christ. I expect that, if youre honest, you may have your own reservations about the upcoming ceremony. Both are powerful testimonies to your husband of your faith. He doesn't give instruction to the unbeliever because they do not submit to God and it would be pointless. It is not a sin for a Christian to marry an unbeliever, unless it places the Christian in the position of sharing the sins of that unbeliever. To my dear Sister in Christ. We are back together again and have a 2 year old daughter. It took me losing my husband to get this. That last statement might cause a few biblically-minded Christians to stumble. I have been praying for God's solution. I don't want to consider divorce (I know God hates divorce). The following two weeks he told me I was crazy and even screamed at me in front of our one year old son. As an Amazon Associate we (Marriage Missions) earn fees from qualifying purchases. God has made no such promise. My faith gives me the ability to be content even if the relationship isnt perfect, she says. It's in 1 Corinthians 7:12-14. When we met I told him that and that I eventually would get back right with God; and that I surely did. I want to handle this matter in a Christian way, but do not want to compromise my standards. One thing we know for sure: being in an unhappy marriage is not biblical grounds for divorce. Its not just what you live through that is important but what you live through and learn through and pass onto others. First, by living out God's expectations for a spouse within a marriage and . In both the Old Testament and the New, we're commanded to "go out from their midst, and be separate from them, says the Lord and touch no unclean thing; then I will welcome you, and I will be a father to you, and you shall be sons and daughters to me, says the Lord Almighty" (2nd Cor 6:17-18). 21:2). Pray without ceasing. I never would have considered dating a non-Christian. As I have watched people walk down this road, I have noticed several common ways people justify marrying a nonbeliever. Please share your testimony with us by going to the CONTACT US section. And this has been far from easy. How can I encourage my boyfriend to take a deeper look at theology? Every week you will receive our top stories in your inbox. A part of me hopes he will just become a Christian to be with me but that is such a shallow thing to say. I am saved and Im in a relationship with a non-believer whom I have known for a few years. However, a marriage between a believer in Christ and an unbeliever presents some unique challenges. Also, even if you don't have kids, but you want more time with the Lord and don't want to live an unholy/unrighteous life your spouse may accuse you of all kinds of things like "being superstitious" or "stop being a drag" or "why do you have to be self-righteous all . We believe you will learn through what they have to say and will prayerfully find hope through reading what they have lived through and have learned through. When I expressed this, he glanced at me with a look that said, What are you talking about? Romans 8:28 ESV / 3 helpful votes Helpful Not Helpful And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. He had told my childhood church he believed Christ died for his sins, and he was baptized. 'You Raise Me Up' Duet Earns A Standing Ovation From The Judges, 7 Tests to See if Your Worship Is Truly Christian or Pagan, 3 Bad Church Approaches to Good Money Stewardship, 5 Critical Rules to Teach Your Kids to Help Them Stay Safe, 4 Things You Should Know about Jesus Revolution, Jesus on Adultery: Its More Controversial Than You Think, This site is a proud member of the Salem Web Network, a subsidiary of, Copyright 2023, Crosswalk.com. And in this, God is greatly glorified. But as your email reveals, they dont go far enough to say what to do if youve already ignored such advice. And asked how you can support them? But I get sad because Ive come to realize that Im unable to have children the other day he made an agreement with me that he would go to church and I was so excited to hear that but he had worked the night before and was to tired to wake up in the morning. But it would be far better in the long run to lose some money and gain a few months of heartache than to commit the rest of your life to a marriage God does not want for you. I was 19 and in a parking lot with my husband of two months, our 1962 Volkswagen Bug between us. 1). Please advice! Heis the author of over 18 books, includingLove Lost: Living Beyond a Broken Marriage, Saying It So He'll Listen, and When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You. If you want your marriage to survive pray and ask God to lead your actions. It wont be a given.. So is busy highway know your one true grass and point HIS rhyme and Spirit. I have 2 other children from previous relationships. That is all I am asking. If he has no interest in the things of Christ now, what makes you think things will change after the wedding? I am determined not to divorce, and Im reluctant to reverse our decision (and surgery) about not having children since the reason I decided not to still remains: Im too afraid to raise a child without a Christian husband. Dating an unbeliever testimony - Is the number one destination for online dating with more dates than any other dating or personals site. Since then I have read some wonderful books that really helped me. We were both using drugs at the time. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace (1 Corinthians 7:12-15). Finally, I just thought what if I just stop worrying about God? I was determined to get married, so I created an Ishmael, says Mia, referring to the biblical Abrahams son with Hagar, servant of his wife Sarah. Big trouble arises when you have children and you want your children dedicated to the Lord. Even if your hope for a husband is never fulfilled in this life, you are promised a seat at the great wedding supper of the Lamb (Revelation 19:7), and he will far surpass everything you might have experienced with an earthly husband. We peel off layers by asking questions. Its forced us to become better communicators, because we had just agreed on everything before, Simon says. I know God has allowed this to happen to draw me closer to him. On top of knowing that we were pretty much breaking up at that moment, I had the extra weight of . Were constantly being seen from the outside, someone other than ourselves. I know that backing out of your engagement at this point may cost you, financially and otherwise. Paul tells the believers in Corinth who are married to non-believers that. He does not want to change. I agree that he certainly seems to outshine your last suitor, but its easy to fall into the trap of lateral comparison. Abiding in Christ enables a believing wife to live with and thrive in a happy marriage with her unbelieving husband. The good news, however, is that Christ died to cover your sins with His blood and there is forgiveness at the foot of the cross and the empty tomb. He's just quiet and just does his way, no matter what I say or feel. If a visitor arrives at your site and can't easily find what they're looking for, they're simply going to leave and look for that information elsewhere. PROMOTE PEACE. The Bible even has a specific passage about a husband married to an unbeliever or a spouse married to an unbeliever. I trust that, if you are willing to listen, the Holy Spirit will lead you into the truth that gaining a husband while forsaking your soul is a trade you do not want to make (Mark 8:36). I have felt this on my heart since I came into my situation 18 months ago but didnt know what to say. And not always did both spouses become believers. While I wish I could celebrate with you without reservation, I admit I have some. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. Join the leader in footing services and find a date today. During that time I knew if I had begged him he would have come home, but I have not felt this is right. From this, we can see that normally, a man and a woman are to be married for life. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. Believe me, there are many. Churches tend to work well when you do what youre meant to do whatever that is and were good at making assumptions about people who are in different circumstances.. At one point my husband said, I dont want a submissive wife! In a later counseling session I learned he was really saying, I dont want a passive wife! My husband longed for me to engage in healthy conflict with him. Mutual submission under the Lordship of Christ is Gods plan for marriage. He was also emtionally absent which can be as painful and the cheating. I dont want to bear that kind of pain, of course. What a mess guys! God provided somewhere for him to stay. Dragged through the dirt. Plead the blood of Jesus over him and your union and read 1 Corinthians 7:12-14. First, you seem stuck on the notion that you married an unbeliever. I however rejected that because I needed a commitment from him that he will change his ways which he couldnt give. Before I was a Christian I would roll my eyes at anyone who mentioned the name Jesus in not a swear word kind of way. May you be eventually see the benefits. When she eventually gave her life to God, she couldnt bring herself to tell Dan. Many relationships today seem to be self-orientedmeeting our own needs without regard for the needs of our mate. Having all the right answers didnt save me, and it wont save my husband. I thought that with my love, he would change. God can do great things when you surrender it all and lay everything at his altar. I have been a Christian for all of 6 months but I seek him everyday. He wasnt saying to disregard your marriage, but to not cling to it as though our greater Bridegroom isnt coming for us, his bride. I was no longer in love with my husband and I wanted "out" of my marriage. And as the Lord gives me strength to love like him, Ill keep walking with my husband, praying hell rise with me on that day too. Sarah Condies recommended reading: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Sheila writes about marriage, motherhood, depression, and healthcare, and she occasionally publishes poetry. Satan, will fill you with fear, doubt, anxiety, and condemnation. Your life is just going to constantly remind you of your wrong choice. We are to remain married to the unbeliever after we accept Christ into our hearts. This is a life testimony, thank God. There is no guarantee of this, however, and if the unbeliever chooses to leave, that is on that person. As Im walking through this new season, Im reminded of three reasons to forgive. I admire your commitment to your wedding vows and your disdain of divorce. Third, expect resistance. Before I start, I want to share a little something with you. They may not always experience a thriving relationship. I didnt tell him for four months because I was scared of what hed think, she says. Seven times in the book of Hebrews, the author captures the heart of Christianity in a simple, wonderful command: draw near. Now I am a full on believer of Jesus and The Holy Spirit dwells within me. I was surprised by the recent news of your engagement. I cant discuss anything with him. I know it might feel embarrassing. You may live most of your married life with an unbelieving husband. Learning to follow Jesus in work schedules, bills, conflict, and parenthood is the call on my life. To put it lightly, he's a danger to himself, and considering the fact that he seems to DEPEND on me for good well-being, I'm up against a wall. My wife began dating me as an unbeliever. Anglicare Counselling can be contacted on 1300 651 728. 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 reminds us that we are called to live in peace. Scripture came to mind like a melody: It is required of stewards that they be found faithful (1 Cor. Remember the call of Christ: "Deny . In fact, he probably has little understanding of the pain youre in. If you are a Christian married to an unbeliever, continue to trust God with your marriage and in your own faith walk. She's your wife now, which means it's God's will that you stay married to her, if she's willing to stay. We review all comments before posting them to reduce spam and offensive content. As my unbelief is exposed, I grow in compassion toward my husband. Please advise me on the right way to live under these circumstances that Ive created for myself. I am sure you will see a turn around. Copyright 2023 The Gospel Coalition, INC. All Rights Reserved. You can find her at her blog Sojourning Sheila, and on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook. DavidHawkins, Ph.D.,has worked with couples and families to improve the quality of their lives by resolving personal issues for the last 30 years. He says, I AM! The second thing you must do is to truly come to terms with what you believe the Bible says about Christians dating or . The Bible does ask us to submit to our husbands and in the same sentence it tells our husbands to love their wives like they love the Lord. My dearest sister that was more than 25 . John and I had been married for 6 years already. THE ARDUOUS JOURNEY OF BEING MARRIED TO A NON-BELIEVING MAN, How God Uses This Ministry to Help Marriages, What Cindy Wright Has Learned About Marriage, What Steve Wright Has Learned About Marriage, ISSUES OF ENVY AND LONELINESS AND LOW SELF ESTEEM, MISMATCHED MARRIAGE: When One Spouse is an Unbeliever. Your life can be a testimony of Gods redeeming love, and were told that your behavior can win him over without a word. The following are Real Life unbelieving spouse testimonies we have gathered for those who are married to someone who doesnt live for the Lord. But if we let go and trust God that is when he can give us back healthy marriages. Getting to know a person is like peeling an onion. God bless you. I dont want to keep disobeying God by being sexually active and we are not married. Christ is able to help my unbelief, and hes able to help my husband believe. 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